Every formal mentoring relationship has a beginning and an end. In between it passes through intermediate stages as the mentee develops trust in their mentor, learns and grows from their shared experiences, and progressively becomes more self-reliant.

Below are the main stages in a mentoring relationship.

Orientation

In the initial stage, the mentor and mentee meet each other, learn a bit about each other, and define the purpose and goals of the relationship. It's important at this early stage that you build a rapport, so that you're both able to speak freely and openly.

At the initial meeting, you should discuss the following topics with your mentee:

• overall objective of the relationship
  
  
• specific goals to be achieved, including mid-way goals and final outcomes
  
  
• importance of honest feedback, and your role in helping the mentee to grow
  
  
• how long the formal relationship will last
  
  
• structure and duration of face-to-face meetings
  
  
• other forms of communication, such as emails or phone calls
  
  
• how to deal with conflict, if it arises
  
  
• arrangements for terminating the relationship early if either party feels that it has become unworkable
  
  
• your expectations of the mentee, such as their level of commitment, reliability in attending sessions, completing tasks in between sessions
  
  
• their expectations of you, such as your level of involvement in their activities, and introducing them to new opportunities or contacts
  
  
• any limitations that might apply, such as an understanding that you won't become involved in altercations between them and their direct supervisor - or if you are already their supervisor, an agreement on where you will draw the line between your mentoring role and your supervisory responsibilities.

Development

This is the main phase, where the real progress takes place. Your focus should be on helping the mentee to work towards the goals that have been set, and providing insight and guidance on issues that arise along the way.

As the mentee's experience develops, encourage them to use their knowledge and understanding to solve problems and make decisions.

This will help them to gain confidence and put trust in their own judgement.

Maturity

Towards the end of the mentoring relationship, your mentee should be working much more independently. This is where you can begin to wind down the level of support you have been providing. The meetings will be less frequent and will focus on monitoring their final steps towards achieving the overall objectives.

Conclusion

There are several ways that a mentoring relationship can be concluded. If all has gone well, you will have reached the end of the timeframe allowed and your mentee will have met all the goals that were set at the beginning.

Even if the mentee hasn't quite reached the final objectives but is well on the way, you can still call the relationship a success. Remember, your main function is to provide the encouragement and advice needed for the mentee to develop their own sense of confidence and wisdom, and help them acquire the skills and self-motivation required to set and achieve goals on their own.

However, not all mentoring relationships end with this result. Sometimes there are personality differences between the mentor and mentee that make a happy partnership difficult to achieve. In these cases, you need to recognise the signs and talk to your mentee about the problem, as well as the options available. These may include pressing on and trying to keep the relationship as constructive as possible, or seeing if another suitable person is available to take over the mentoring role, or simply terminating the relationship early.

In other cases, one of the parties may not be fulfilling their obligations. For example, the mentee might lack the motivation or be too immature to make the progress expected of them. Or you may have external issues of your own that are affecting your ability to provide the sound advice and reliability your mentee needs.

As always, the first response should be to talk the matter over with them to see how it can be resolved. Your options may include trying to work through the problems, finding a new mentor, or terminating the relationship.

Have a think about the type of mentoring relationship you are likely to enter into.

What topics will you need to discuss in your first mentoring meeting? What objectives are you likely to be setting?